Experiencing the Beach

Yesterday morning I was trying to pray as I was walking along the beach, and I got distracted watching the waves and accidentally started to say the same phrase over and over. This is the usual happening in my brain when I lose focus, and when I snapped out of it and realized what was happening, I said, “I’m so sorry,” and I almost slipped into the same old thought pattern; “I can’t grow closer to God, I can’t focus, I don’t know how to pray”, that sort of thing. 

Then I felt as if he said, “You don’t have to be afraid to talk to me. I love you.” 

I was surprised, and I thought about it for a bit. I know I shouldn’t be scared, but I want to say the right things to the king of the universe. I need to have a respectful and thankful approach.

“Well, think about how you would talk to a friend. You want to say the right things and show respect for them. But when there’s someone you have a level of trust and love with you don’t have to walk on tiptoe around them. They understand.”

I realized I was struggling with praying because I was listening to the voice of condemnation in the background, telling me I was doing it wrong. Now I just felt loved and appreciative that God would still listen and speak to me. I figured maybe I should just listen for a while.

For the rest of my walk, I listened to the early morning beach sounds and tried to keep my thoughts quiet (not an easy task). I collected shells, of course.

One in particular stood out to me because it was broken, revealing the beautiful details on the inside that would be hidden if it were whole.

I noticed the waves, too, and how strong and intimidating they are. You know, some people think they are going to swim in the ocean. However, once you get in the water, you quickly discover that you are not really going anywhere. You’re fighting the waves and the direction they are taking you, trying to go your own way. God’s will is like that. If you stop fighting and go along with wherever it takes you, you’ll have a much smoother experience, and often even an enjoyable one. :)

Of course, there was condemnation in the back of my mind; “you know all these things already, or at least you should. Why are you all excited about things that are not new revelations?”

But I do not want to think that way. I want to relish the experiences I have here and not forget what I learned but let it sink deeply into my heart and work it’s way into how I live.

Being Apostolic, Holiness, and the World

This post on Facebook today, put together by Acts 2:38 Street Ministry, presents what he hopes to be a clarification of some of the Apostolic beliefs. 

While filled with well-meaning intentions, the post is ridden with problematic thinking; even serious fallacies. This is not the first time I have heard such fallacies and wished to address them; this is simply a perfect opportunity to do so. My thoughts are controversial and not necessarily likable and I don't wish to draw attention to myself in speaking them, but I feel a necessity to convey the truth. I present the post in it's entirety, and will then dissect it's key points. 

Several things stood out to me.

1. Holiness Standards, the first words in the post; first I want to clarify that we are called to be holy before God, as He is holy. That is the goal that we strive for. There are many aspects of being holy that I won't go into right now. The issue at hand is that he labeled the main appearance "standards"in the overall Apostolic denomination "Holiness Standards". He is not alone in doing this. He says, "They are not a rule, not legalistic", "...not standards that we place on other believers", "Apostolics aren't saying don't wear makeup," and "Apostolics aren't saying that you can't wear pants."

I respectfully disagree. You most certainly are telling us not to wear those things. And those standards most certainly are placed on other believers. Do you not believe Apostolic is the way to go? and to be Apostolic you follow those rules? Rules, then, are most definitely what they are. No, we don't physically force anyone; I hope not, at least! But ask yourself this: is she considered an Apostolic girl if she is still wearing pants and make up? Be honest with yourself.

So what is the problem? 

Well, I submit that following a dress code on the outside does not equal holiness, and actually isn't even deeply related to holiness. 

First I want to say that appearance is extremely important. It's the first, and sometimes the only thing people notice about you. Appearances can deceive, it's true, but at least they make a statement. Girls' appearance can tell you if they are feminine, meek, and modest. Guys' appearance tell you if they are masculine, respectable, and stable. As Christians we need to strive to reflect Christ in our appearance.

Leann, who was mentioned in the conclusion, talks about reasons for why you do what you do; she discusses the importance of asking whether we do something to please God or ourselves.

She is right in this, but we need to make sure not to carry that over into the common argument, "Well, why would you want to?" Let's say you walk out of your house on a hot day with a decorative yellow hat on, and naturally, this catches my attention, so I ask, "Why do you WANT to wear that?" You can not think of any reason other than that you just wanted to, even though it isn't a necessary accessory. So I tell you there is no specific way that it pleases God, and so you should not be wearing it. Would I not be a hypocrite because I do and wear things that have no specific purpose for God? Thus, if you tell someone not to wear make up and jewelry, you need to back it up with a more Biblical support than, "Why would you want to, does it please God?"

My point is that I believe in setting standards for yourself, especially when it comes to modesty. My family and friends and I have reasons and principles for what we choose to wear and not wear grounded in the Bible; but I do not believe for a minute that "Apostolic standards are holiness". 

Let's look at this reasonably. Apostolic standards are pretty much for girls. Guys cut their hair and some standards forbid shorts, but if an Apostolic guy goes out in public he can blend in pretty well, especially since he can often wear his hair in the different styles and trends while still keeping it short. If an Apostolic girl goes out, she stands out as very different from average. Why do women have more requirements than men in order to be holy? OR, are women holier than men?! (I won't go any further with THAT silliness!)

Another point about the phrase "Apostolic standards" is that there IS no complete "standard" list of standards. Apostolics don't all agree what holiness standards are, any more than all Christians agree on anything. If you bring up the topic with even a small group in one church, contention usually arises. The standard to follow is usually left up to the pastors of each individual church group. Holiness, then, is defined by mere mortals, instead of God. Dangerous? YES. At least, it would be if these rules really WERE equivalent to holiness. Let's move on to the second phrase that stood out to me in this post.

2. The World! Notice that he capitalized "world", just like "holiness standards". This personification of the world is very typical of Apostolics. The author is comparing what Apostolics don't say (although I would assert that they do) to what "the world" is trying to tell you. Apparently the world tells you that you need to cover up your face by wearing make up and that you can show off your body with tight, revealing clothes. 

That's a pretty strong generalization, especially since the world is a pretty big place, so let's look at this phrase "the world" for a minute; where it came from, what it means.

A verse that strikes fear (and should) is James 4:4: "...whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy with God." No one wants enmity with God! I want to be a friend of God. Another verse is Romans 12:2, which compares being conformed to this world to being transformed, proving what is the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. Instead of going along with what everyone else is doing, we need to be deep into the will of God. This is where the popular phrase "in but not of the world" originates.

That's pretty serious! So what does "the world" mean? Well, I am not much more than a baby Christian, and I am not prepared with a detailed word study. No one should try to talk about things they don't know enough about, so let's just go by what I do know: the Bible talks a lot about earthly things, and walking in the spirit, not the lust of the flesh. Earthly things could involve appearance as the Bible talks about not focusing on adorning and decorating ourselves and our hair with costly array. Jesus also talks about not fretting about fleshly things such as what we will eat or what we will wear. (Sadly, I have grown up being around so many people who claim to be separated from "the world" and are quite caught up in clothes and adornments, and what and where to eat.) 

Basically, James 4:4 comes across to me as talking about life here on earth and all the physical things we have, as opposed to spiritual life and spiritual things. The world could also be the majority of the people here on earth, especially since at the time that it was written, people saved by Jesus Christ were very much the persecuted minority ("because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you" John 15:19). 

The above are my own personal thoughts. I just can't seem to locate a connection between "the world" and make up, modesty standards, etc. Even if there is one, the bottom line is that growing up in the modern Apostolic church culture I consistently heard the teaching (and I am ashamed to say, I taught my younger sisters) that "the world" was ANYTHING non-Apostolic. (I suspect because they used to say "the majority of the world" and it has been shortened.) Those scriptures about the world would be quoted and receive amens and rules would be enforced; not just appearance but the rules of lifestyle as well. Unfortunately, a lot of those issues aren't even agreed on among the different Apostolic church groups, such as movies and television, wine, electric guitars, organized sports, etc. Once again, it ends up being whatever the pastor of each particular church group decides. 

Do you see the pattern here? Just as many Apostolics teach "be holy; therefore follow these standards that we decide are holiness standards", they teach "don't be of the world; therefore stay away from what we have decided is 'the world'".

Perhaps Jesus would have something to say about this type of teaching: "And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men." Mark 7:7 

Thankfully, this is not ALL people in the Apostolic church, by no means. Still, the scary result is a group of (maybe hundreds of) so-called Apostolics out there strutting around thinking, "How holy and pleasing to God I am because I'm sooo separated from the world." With that mindset, do we really think we are portraying the one God, Jesus Christ, the Acts chapter 2 message of salvation, grace...love? 

In God's eyes we might be the pharisee in the parable in Luke 18 who thanked God that he was not like other people. We might need to drop to our knees and pray, like the publican, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner." 

The author says you can identify most Apostolics by their appearance (although he did add that it goes a lot deeper than that). But Jesus said, "By this will all know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." Lord, let this be our focus!

Above all, what we can take away from this post by Acts 2:38 Street Ministry is: words are deathly important! We can see the danger of ANY group, community, or church denomination (because Apostolics sure aren't alone in doing this) applying their own definitions to words in the scripture, instead of applying the scripture and it's original interpretation to our hearts. Dive into God's Word! It trumps any word we could ever create here on earth. And in conclusion, I would offer this word of caution: whatever you do or don't do, understand why.

My journey with Asperger's/Autism

It's kind of funny. Because of my trip to a psychologist earlier today, I feel as if I am beginning a journey. But in reality, I have been on the journey all my life. The past couple of years, especially, have been significant in forcing me to come face to face with who I am. At least two or three people that I have had contact with who had mental impairments caused me to feel sympathetic. Living with a mental illness and being conscious something is wrong with you is one of the worst difficulties ever. People think you're supposed to be normal, so you're rejected for acting weird; or they think of you as not all there, so you're rejected as inferior and unintelligent. 

Terror then struck when my own mental and social impairments surfaced to my realization more and more. I was-am-one of those people.

My psychologist's confirmation today that I do match up with a case of Asperger's (although he said the most recent terminology is "high-functioning Autism") left me with mixed feelings.

I'm going to be honest, I almost despaired a bit. It kind of hit me that I would always struggle with judgment and misunderstandings and loneliness. Maybe I would eventually destroy all my close relationships. Maybe the number of people who dislike me would grow and grow because of my lack of control over my facial expressions and tone of voice.

However, you could say it gave me validation. I can embrace it. I can learn from it. And most importantly, I can help others. My goal is to get the word out about high-functioning mental illnesses. People need to be inspired to stop the judging, the hasty assumptions, the subtle bullying and down-putting because you have no idea what is really going in someone's head.

Plus, it is kind of great to have my one little gift of perfect pitch. :)

I am encouraged and grateful to at least live in this era in which such diagnoses exist. It is time to move forward.